Denied Affections
by mattandmello
Summary: “Look, Gwen. I need you to understand, okay? Just before this gets too far, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I'd rather this relationship stayed as just friends.” BeVin.


Usual disclaimers and shit. Warnings: OCC (see a/n), boyxboy (just briefly mentioned), a bit of swearing, adult themes? Meh.

"Kev…" I murmur as quietly as I can not wanting to ruin the moment with anything louder than a whisper. I begin incline towards him, climbing onto my hands and knees. Slowly, so painstakingly slowly, teasingly, drawing out the moment. I'm determined to not miss even the slightest movement he makes, the shallowest breathe. I see his pulse beat in his neck, his shoulders quiver, his cheeks tint with the slightest blush. I lean in further, at last close enough to inhale his oddly attractive smell; a combination of petrol and Kevin. I boldly get nearer still, a small smile playing on my lips as I do. Closer, closer. I pause, only a breath away from his lips. I've waited so long for this – his lips on mine, his hands on my body, roaming freely. Closer. Ever since that first time we saw him in five years, illegally trading alien tech, ever since he agreed to help us, to be our ally, our friend, my something more? I'm mere millimetres from his chapped lips. I want this, I need this. Closer. Slowly, so slowly, savouring each minute, each second, each millisecond. How will he react? Will his kiss back? What will he taste like? Has he waited for this as long as I had? I clear my head of such currently meaningless thoughts and focus on his face, his perfectly beautiful face. His gorgeous face that was presently sculptured into a frown. Oh, I get it. Faster. I can do that. I finally lean forward with my eyes shut to close the tiny distance still left between us but meet nothing but air as he backs away from me.

"Kevin?" I open my eyes widely and see everything in that moment, every moment I had misconstrued, each emotion I had confused. Oh God. I see _everything_, things I had written off as unimportant or irrelevant, things I had assumed meant things I now know they didn't, things that give me more information than I need to know, more than I can handle. Remorse. Pain. Confusion. Annoyance. Uncertainty. Sadness. Irritation. Guilt. Embarrassment. _Pity_. I close my eyes again at that, unable to bear any more than that. Oh God, what have I done?

"Gwen?" More uncertainty. "I need you to listen to everything I have to say right now, okay? Gwen? Oh God." I feel hands on me and wish that they were heated and lustful instead of reassuring and careful, as though I were glass, as though I could shatter into a million pieces of glass if they applied too much pressure. I feel sick. I nod shakily and try to open my eyes. I feel dizzy. I try to look at him but my eyes refuse to leave the tree behind him. In a sudden flash of intuition, I know exactly what he's going to say to me. Oh God. Oh fuck, no.

Seeming satisfied that I haven't passed out or anything like that Kevin continues. "Look, Gwen. I need you to understand, okay? Just before this gets too far, and I don't want to hurt you, but I'd rather this relationship stayed as just friends." I don't know how he expected me to respond but he quickly and worriedly adds, "Let me explain."

He looks at me apparently waiting for something… Oh. I open my mouth to reply but am unable to respond as bile fills my mouth. Bile and the bitter taste of complete and utter rejection. Oh God. I force my eyes back to him, nodding instead at his expectant expression and feel light headed. A hand rubs soothing circles onto my shoulder. A friendly sentiment. _Friendly_. The word pushes the dagger in my heart in just a bit further.

"Gwen." He sighs, a soft, melancholy sound. "I can't continue down the path you think we're heading. I'm not the person you believe I am." He has clearly rehearsed this, planned out each heartbreakingly perfect word and well phrased sentence. He knew this day was coming and I did not. The signs were there. How could I have missed them? "None of this is your fault, none." Kevin gently lifts my head and forces me to look at him. "I'm… I'm not interested in girls. Obviously you haven't seen Ben recently or you would know this. Gwen… It's hard for me to tell you this but… Ben and I have been… seeing each other for a few weeks now."

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Please, God, no. I can feel bile in my mouth again and a horrible pain in both my heart and stomach. Shit. Don't throw up. Please. _Please_. I avoid Kevin's eyes as I will myself to calm down, instead staring at the tree again. This had started out so perfectly, so innocently, just two friends hanging out in the park, before I had to go and fuck it up. Oh, God. I can't look at Kevin right now. I can't talk to Kevin right now. I can't be near Kevin right now. I can't stay here. Lie! Now! Do anything! Escape!

"Kevin." Good. My voice came out alright. A bit robotic but even. "I know. I made a mistake and I'm sorry." He looks like he's going to interrupt me but I just talk over him needing to get this out. "I misunderstood what you wanted. I apologize. Let's just forget about this, okay?" I feign surprise as I look at me watch. "Shit. I've got to get home. Sorry. We'll catch up again later." As I begin to run away with tears in my eyes I hear Kevin yell, "Are we still friends?" I don't reply. I just keep running. Are we still friends? CanI still be friends with you? I don't know. I just don't know.

**A/N:** Wow, longer than I expected. More relationship (or lack there of) trouble, more need to use writing as an outlet. Thank God for fandom pairings with problems I can twist around to fit my practically non-existent love life. This is loosely based on a recent incident I had with a guy that I have liked for almost a year so it will likely be OCC. I even added an exact quote. I feel that writing these stories gives me… closure? Yeah, I guess that's right. If I can turn my most horrible emotions into semi-decent stories it makes me feel just that little bit better. At least Gwen gets told to her face – I found out over Facebook™. And it's only a few days until my birthday. Great…


End file.
